Toys - Tools of the Trade

CHILDREN LEARN TO PLAY AND PLAY TO LEARN ... IT IS THEIR WORK
This week, I have set myself the daunting task of sorting out my children’s toys. Dolls and trains and missing puzzle pieces. Some that are precious, some that are forgotten. Having spent an hour with the toys, I feel like I have been with them. I’ve certainly been in their world! These toys are building blocks for their brains, the tools of their trade, lessons for the university of life. Because, through play, children learn what the world is about, and they explore ways of coping with it and mastering challenges.

HOW DO CHILDREN LEARN?
Children learn by involving themselves in activities - they need to see, explore, listen and experiment with things. Words are not enough. Yet, as parents, we often say: ‘don’t touch’, ‘careful, you’ll fall’, ‘put that down’, ‘that will break’, ‘sit still’ or ‘do something constructive’. Children do need boundaries for safety, and to learn to be disciplined about homework. But they also need uninterrupted ‘yes time’ in safe areas with a variety of materials to explore.

Imaginative play, or free drawing is a language that children use to act out their fears and worries. Children can use play to deal with the challenges of school, friendships and families. Social play, or playing with others, whether it is an organised game or House House, helps children to learn how to interact with others, negotiate rules and learn to consider another’s needs, feelings and ideas.

WHAT CAN PARENTS DO THIS HOLIDAY?

 Join in with the children - and let them take the lead
 Leave the children to play on their own
 Play educational games with them and have fun yourself
 Turn tidy up into a race or a game eg I spy something beginning with G that needs to go in the toy box. It’s slower, but the job gets done.
 Read books together
 Make dressing up clothes
 Tell Jokes (or buy a holiday joke book, or find a good website with jokes).

Now that this article is nearly complete, I realise that they toys are still in a mess. But perhaps it is not the organisation that matters. Instead, I think I’ll go and see what the kids are up to, and find out if they would like to play!
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This article has been written by Anwen Cunningham. It was first published in Mom's Mail and is included by her permission.

Sibling Relationships

Today, a friend told me of an 86 year old, who, on her death bed, asked her 64 year old son to be nice to his sister! As a mother and a sister, I know how important sibling relationships are. Right now, I can’t remember what my youngest daughter’s first ‘real’ word was. But there is another first word that I can remember clearly. The sisters were in the bath, when a barrage of screaming and splashing broke out. Just before I stormed in to meet out justice, a little voice called out “wowwy”. A quieter voice replied “sorry”.

The reality is that some sibling rivalry normal. It is inevitable that there will be some conflict as wants and needs clash. The home can be a safe place for children to learn how to handle conflict and have their needs met without hurting their relationships.

If sibling rivalry gets out of hand, the home can feel like a war zone with few cease-fires. Parents can assume to role of negotiator, police or judge. Children assume the role of victim or instigator. While family members are playing these roles, rivalry escalates despite a lot of energy going into peace keeping.

WHY DO CHILDREN FIGHT?

There are the normal ‘tiffs’ over sharing toys and taking turns. These fights are usually resolved if left alone. Fights that are loud and physical may be an unconscious attempt to get the parent’s attention. Children may wait to see who’s side you take. There may be an attempt to make the other sibling look bad so that they can feel like they are the ‘favourite’.

Parents can help by refusing to play the role of judge, policeman or negotiator. This takes of the power out of the struggle, and refusing to take sides can help children to cooperate. If you need to involve yourself, try to respond equally to each child without taking sides. eg: “Jamie, please give Amy her book back, and Amy, please ask nicely.” With older children, giving choices may help: “You are fighting again. You can either talk nicely now, or you can each go to your own bedroom to cool off.” “I don’t care who started it, you’re both fighting. If you don’t choose soon, I’ll choose for you and you can go to your bedrooms.”

Sibling relationships are also potentially the most loyal and lasting friendships that your children will know. Enjoying quality time as a family, building memories together and sharing the good times and supporting each other when life is tough can provide your children with a compass that will always direct them home.
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This article was written by Anwen Scholtz and was first published in Mom's Mail. It has been reproduced by her permission. Anwen is a Child Psychologist operating out of the Durban area. (Image from drnina.org)

Christian Parenting

Raising children is life-giving and joyful, but also very challenging and difficult. In this advice feature, we will hear from a variety of experts in child care and parenting as a way of developing our own parental skills and capacities.