Dealing with Bored Children

At some point or the other, almost every parent hears their children say, “I’m bored!” This can become a particular problem during these long mid-year holidays, especially if your child has no real interest in watching soccer games!

In an article written to express her thoughts around children and boredom, Sandra Dodd said:

"It's a valuable lesson to learn to deal with boredom, just like all other emotions."

Until I read that, I hadn’t ever thought of boredom as an emotion. I liked the idea. When a child comes to me seeking advice on how to deal with any emotional state, I'm flattered and glad for the opportunity.

Traditionally in this culture boredom is seen as a state of sin. "I’m bored" is met by unthinking parents with, "Then mop the kitchen," or "You have a thousand dollars’ worth of toys, you can’t be bored," or "Boredom’s good for you." I believe the VERY common habit of belittling children who use the word "bored" should be rethought (or "thought," since it seems many parents have never considered it carefully but just repeat what their parents said to them).

If a child came and said she was heartbroken would you tell her she was a brat and should clean the garage? If a child came and said he was angry enough to hit would you say, "Then sit down and read a book whether you want to or not"? Wouldn’t you try to help them? It's nonsensical to me that some parents shame their children for saying they are at a loss about what to do next.

The most to be accomplished from punishing or sending bored kids away is that the kids will learn not to go to that parent for advice and ideas.

Sometimes the real message behind "I'm bored" is "I'm little and feeling agitated and vaguely unhappy and I don't know what I can do to get over this uncomfortable feeling. What would you do if you were my age, in this house, on a day like this?"

I think that deserves a helpful, respectful response.”

Sandra’s challenge is a pertinent one. Although our own frustrations with our children’s boredom can quickly mount up, perhaps we should instead see this as an opportunity to engage with them – to see their boredom as an emotional state rather than a failing. The solution may not necessarily be in becoming their play mate, but rather in teaching them to stimulate themselves both intellectually and emotionally. If we take their declarations of boredom as an opportunity to shape them instead of an irritation, then we may just save ourselves from hearing them repeat the phrase another couple of hundred times!

(To read Sandra Dodd’s full article, please go to http://sandradodd.com).

The Influence of Fathers

"One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.”
George Herbert (17th Century English poet and clergyman)

Every year we celebrate Father’s Day but for many people this celebration can be a little confusing. They don’t have any positive feelings for their fathers at all because of situations of abuse or neglect. Father’s themselves can also feel a little ambivalent about the day wondering, "Am I doing this right? And am I doing enough?"

However, there is considerable scientific and sociological research, which points toward a common conclusion: Fathers matter – and good fathers offer a world of benefits to their sons and daughters.

The National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse certainly back this kind of thinking as they list the many benefits of effective fatherhood. Citing information from a National Fatherhood Initiative publication titled “The Father Factor: How Father Absence Affects Our Youth,” the NRFC notes that fathers who play an active role in their children's lives can significantly increase the quality of their children's lives, and decrease the threats to their healthy development:

• Research indicates that children are more likely to be healthy when they have fathers who are involved in daily efforts to ensure their health and safety.

• Children whose fathers live with them are less likely to be either abused or neglected.

• Children who live with their father and mother are less likely to engage in problematic behaviors that result in their being suspended or expelled from school.

• Girls whose fathers are not involved in their lives are at considerably higher risk of early sexual activity (and are seven times more likely to become pregnant) than are adolescents whose fathers are involved with their upbringing.

• Having a close relationship with one's father has been identified as a significant protective factor against adolescent drug and alcohol abuse.