Wouldn’t it be great if our children just instinctively knew the difference between right and wrong and behaved acceptably all the time. Unfortunately they don’t come that way, in fact they will learn much about rules and boundaries and right and wrong from a very young age and mostly at home. Even if you have someone else caring for your child in the day – a child minder or a pre-school, you are still the primary socializing agent in your child’s life.
We have also been given the mandate from God to teach our children God’s way in life Deuteronomy 6:4-8 says the following “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.”
That sounds great and really obedient to the Lord’s word – but how do we do that practically?
The first step is to help children understand WHY we need to have house rules – they are there to protect each of us; they are there so that we can learn what is right and wrong.
The second step is to involve your children in drawing up the house rules (obviously with lots of guidance) as parents we need to listen to what our children bring to the conversation and listen carefully to hear what they think is needed in your home – for example I have 3 sons – aged 5 ; 8 and 10 – the youngest one suggested that we have “no hitting” as a rule; the middle one asked for “don’t break anyone’s lego stuff” ; the oldest one suggested “knock before you go into someone’s room” – all of these are age appropriate and important for the boys involved and we were able to put them all into one rule that says – RESPECT – here we were also able to add in respecting Mom and Dad’s stuff and respecting possessions and things around the house.
Other values that we want to instil in our children might be things like “We all do our chores or help around the house” and “there is a time for everything “- this includes things like quiet; bed time; play time; computer time; TV time; homework time; family time and private time.
For younger children we need to have fewer rules – for example “we love each other” which will include things like sharing and listening to instructions. As parents be sure that you also have your say and find a way to include your own personal and family values –maybe a good exercise to undertake before you look at family rules and values.
Once the basic and overarching family rules have been discussed and agreed upon; written down in a creative way and displayed in a prominent place in the home (like on the fridge) we now need to decide on the consequences for breaking the house rules – these need to be decided on together; they need to be age appropriate and they need to be carried out CONSISTENTLY in order for the house rules and values to be understood, followed and internalised by the children ( and parents!)
Good luck with the rules and boundaries and remember that most children will test the system at least once if not many times and they will just want to make sure that they are safe within these rules.
Happy Parenting!
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This article has been written by Jean Geerthsen. Jean is currently a facilitator for Evergreen parenting courses; and a trainer for All That’s Kids. She has extensive experience working with children, teenagers and families over the last 17 years as a Youth and Children’s Pastor. She is married to Klaus, and they have 3 sons ages 10; 8 and 5. Jean’s vision is to strengthen the family and bring Children and parents together and empower churches to bring the gospel to children of all ages. You can get hold of Jean at jean@geerthsen.co.za or evergreenparenting.co.za