The Five Love Languages of Children is an excellent read for parents of all ages. According to the authors of this book (Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, M.D.), each child receives and expresses love through one of five different communication styles. A parent's love language may be totally different from that of his or her child, which causes hurt feelings and misunderstandings, which if unchecked can sometimes grow into quite severe relational difficulties.
With the assistance of this book, parents can discover their child's primary language and learn what they can do to effectively convey unconditional feelings of respect, affection, and commitment that will resonate in their child's emotions and behavior.
To whet your appetite for this book, included below you will find Chapman’s 5 suggestions for finding out your child’s main love language.
1. Observe how your child expresses love to you.
Observing our children expressing love will mean we are watching them speak their own love language. Children will express love to you in the language they most desire to receive.
2. Observe how your child expresses love to others.
If you notice your child making crafts for relatives, or wanting to take presents to friends or teacher, this may indicate that they may have a primary love language of Gifts.
3. Listen to what your child requests most often.
If your child regularly asks you questions like "How do I look?", "What do you think of my painting?", or "How did I do at soccer today?", then this may indicate a love language of Words of Affirmation.
4. Notice what your child most frequently complains about.
Frequent grumbling that "You never have time for me", "Why don't you play games with me?", or "We never do things together" would be indicative of the need for Quality Time. Younger children may express the same need by acting up negatively. The rule of thumb here is that if that cannot gain enough positive time and attention from you, then they will demand it negatively.
5. Give your child a choice between two options.
The authors suggest to ask your child to make a choice between two different love language. For example, a parent might ask, “I am free on Sunday, would you like me to fix your bike or would you rather go to the park?” The choice is between Acts of Service and Quality Time.
The authors further encourage parents to give options for several weeks, and to keep a careful record of the child’s choices. Through this you will be able to identify your child’s primary love languages and can begin to ensure you regularly ‘speak’ their language to them. This should make a significant difference in your relationship.
This book is highly recommended for parents of children of all ages.