If you are a normal parent, you will find many times where you wonder what on earth you got yourself into when you decided to have a child. The sleepless nights, the endless nagging to please get moving, get dressed, eat your food, clean your room. It is easy in the busyness of our everyday lives of being a family to forget the amazing opportunity we have as parents to watch a young person grow into a responsible adult. As we celebrate mothers in Mothers day this week, we realise that as parents we have an amazing gift in our children and that we have an awesome responsibility to be the best parent we can be to our children.
We often spend so much time as parents feeling guilty about what we do not do with our children, but the greatest gift we can give them is to recognise that they are a uniquely designed gift (Psalm 139), given by a good and loving God who has chosen us to journey with this being for a limited period of time. The Bible reminds us in Psalm 127:3-4 that our children a gift and a reward.
Here are some helpful parenting insights that help us stay sane on this awesome journey:
1. Our job is to guide our children towards God’s goal for their life.
This is a hard challenge for many parents as we all have dreams for our children. We need to take the time to recognise that our children are on a loan to us from God who has a plan for each one of us, it is a privilege to be involved in watching that purpose unfold in front of us and may cause us much less conflict in our families if we allow that purpose to come through.
2. Accept that we as parents will never be perfect.
In modern society there are constant demands on us as adults to be “professionals” in everything we do. This has come across into the way we parent. Sadly, we are human and we are going to get things wrong even when we have the best intentions. Fortunately God knew us intimately when He chose us as parents and yet He still chose you to be your child’s parent. We can just take this opportunity to rely on God for wisdom. Our imperfection will also be an opportunity to help our children learn that no one is perfect but when we mess up we show our children what to do when they get things wrong.
3. Accept that our children will never be perfect.
We need to recognise our children’s uniqueness and celebrate that uniqueness. The journey is one of helping our child discover who God created them to be and what his purpose for their life is. They are going to do things wrong, they are going to disappoint you at times, that is part of being human and being part of a family, we need to help our children learn about Grace and forgiveness and unconditional love in these moments. When we recognise that our children will often understand their relationship with God as a comparison of our relationship with them. One of the easiest ways to understand your child is to work through some temperament tools such as the “Evergreen parenting” courses or books, or emotional intelligence, love languages for children and many others out there.
4. We need to be faithful.
As parents we need to be faithful in providing for our children’s needs, including physical, spiritual and emotional. They will experience God’s faithfulness through the way we care for them. This does not mean that we should give them everything their hearts desire but rather a genuine provision for their basic needs. We need to be faithful in telling our children they are special, they are loved and that they have a purpose in their lives. We need to be faithful in praying for our children and families. The going will get tough at times but at the end of the day, there will be the reward of seeing a young child grown into a confident, responsible adult who is able to make a difference in their community.
The most important thing in being a parent is that you recognise that you are human and that you have good and bad days. God chose to give you your child as a gift because He knew you and knows your child, it is up to us to nurture that gift and there will be a reward at the end of the day.
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By Hayley Walker from All That’s Kids (Pty) Ltd. Hayley is a mom of 2 beautiful children age 3&4, married to Graeme and runs a business that focuses on “Providing a safe environment for children to grow to their full potential”. All That’s Kids runs parenting courses, youth and children’s ministry training courses and has set up a youth and children’s ministry academy with the view of helping children and families to know Jesus. See www.atk.co.za or find us on facebook. Tel 012 661 3300